The Great Grey Granite Slabs Scam?

By Bill Evershed

At first, I thought I had become a victim of the Great Grey Granite Slabs Scam. But it all turned out fine when the Broadhalfpenny Down Preservation Trust metamorphosed the granite slabs into a wondrous plaque embellishing the front of the pavilion.

How did it all start? Well, some Brigands and Hambledonians and Winchesterians may remember, a few years ago, being invited to invest in a granite slab to be placed near the famous ‘Hambledon’ monument on Broadhalfpenny Down to commemorate someone or something with wording of their choice.

Being already so ancient and unlikely to merit anything otherwise more worthwhile on my tombstone, I was tempted to provide two slabs - One would read ‘Free Beer For Umpires’ and the other ‘Imbibing Here Since 1954’ - and sent off my cheque.

But why such wording?

I served in the Royal Navy in Hong Kong in the early 1970s, when there was still a lovely green oasis Cricket Ground in the middle of the Business District. Courses for Umpires were offered during the winter months that would allow those who successfully passed the final 2-hour written examination to become Overseas Members of the MCC at a very modest annual subscription, and a promise that Cricket Umpires were always rewarded after a Match with a free beer.

And so I joined the Evening Classes, quaffing a modest glass of San Mig as I did so; and, rather to my surprise, passed the final examination and awarded an Umpire’s Tie and an Overseas MCC tie, and invited to umpire matches in the Hong Kong league, receiving a glass of beer at the end of each Match.

Upon my return to the UK, I found that Overseas MCC membership counted for nothing and that if I wished to become a Member of the MCC, I could pay an exorbitant sum every year just to remain on the MCC Waiting List. I had better uses for my money.

And much to my disappointment, I discovered that ‘Free Beer for Umpires’ did not apply in the UK, so my later years umpiring on Broadhalfpenny Down had always to be self-thirst-quenched.

What then about ‘Imbibing Here Since 1954’?

I reached age 18 in 1954, and the ‘Bat & Ball’ being then, as it is now, within walking distance of my home (but at age 88 it takes longer and is easier by car) it seemed a good choice to try alcohol, legally.

I joined the Royal Naval College at Dartmouth that same year and slaked my thirst at the ‘Floating Bridge’. At that time, Broadhalfpenny Down cricketers were, or seemed to me to be, all left-shoulder aiguilletted Flag Lieutenants with double-barrelled surnames and posh voices. But the cricket was good to watch. The landlord, Major Wilson, an Argyll & Sutherland Highlander and deaf from wartime gunfire, was a dear and kindly man, and his wife, Flora, a dear and kindly lady.

The pub was then much smaller than it is today. There was no restaurant. The only food was Smith’s Crisps, and then later the more adventurous ‘Chicken & Chips in a Basket’. No children were allowed in the pub and the bar stood dividing what is now the main bar area, with the Hambledon/Clanfield parish boundary painted strip on the floor, which allowed earlier licensed drinking on one side and later licensed drinking on the other. This was the Public Bar, where yokels and cricketers entered through the front door and sank their ales standing up. And where beer was 3d cheaper than in the Lounge Bar.

The Lounge Bar, with ancient dark brown leather sofas and chairs, and where ladies and gentlemen sipped their sherries sitting down, was situated in the area where we now enter the pub. And its bar ran at right angles to the bar for the Public Bar.

With their beer barrels and ‘shorts’ on shelves behind them, the Major & Flora would stand where we now stand at the new bar and therefore keep an eye on and serve both bars simultaneously. And they could appreciate an occasional gentle subdued murmuring from the Lounge Bar, where officers from HMS Mercury might take their Wrens; contrasting with noisier vernacular Hampshire accents in the Public Bar from local farmers and their lads – interspersed with the occasional wah-wah from the posh cricketers.

Such was my introduction to Broadhalfpenny Down cricket and to pub drinking and I’ve never outgrown it.

And that is how and why I thought I had become a victim of the Great Grey Granite Slabs Scam, but now, to my joy, I see my ‘tombstone’ wishes and many others recorded on that wondrous plaque embellishing the front of the pavilion.

For which, my sincere thanks, Bill Evershed.

Bill Evershed, pictured in the background, at a ceremony to celebrate the Cockleshell Heroes